Anyways. 2007! That happened. And when I was ready for it to be over, it still kept happening.
So, yeah, resolutions. Dreams. How to ensure that 2008 is as little like 2007 as possible? And what is the difference between “dreams” and “resolutions” anyway? Allow me to do a little thought experiment with you.
Dreams:
1. Pitney-Bowes calls a press conference. CEO Michael J. Critelli steps to the podium. “I am here to publicly apologize for the manufacture and distribution of the DI-350 mailing machine with separate folding/insertion mechanism,” he reads from a statement. “It has come to my attention that quality control for this particular product is far, far below the accepted standards for doing business. I know that my heartfelt apology cannot even begin to make up for the countless man-hours lost in attempting to operate this catastrophically poorly-designed piece of equipment, but I hope that all the mailroom clerks and temporary office workers listening will weigh my words on the scales of forgiveness and understanding rather than justice.” A federal court rules that Critelli’s year-end bonus must be paid incrementally in a series of one-dollar checks, each of which must be folded and inserted into a mailing envelope via a DI-350 machine operated by Critelli.
2. I wake up and turn on the radio. Due to a freak copier malfunction, Kikkoman International, Incorporated (KII), headquartered at XX California Street, has burned to the ground. No one is hurt; however, all databases and related Consumer Services materials are destroyed. Irretrievably. My temp agency calls to say they are paying me through January anyway.
3. All my Netflix movies arrive today, even though they are scheduled to arrive tomorrow.
Resolutions:
1. To write in this online diary more than once a month.
2. To stop calling it an “online diary.”
3. To avoid Bridget Jones mannerisms and stereotypes as much as possible.
Let’s see how I go.
